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Eluding JealousyI wouldn’t say I get jealous
When my friends hang out with others
Others I don’t know
Or don’t like
I just feel out of place
All I want
Is to let them be
Let them have their time
Have their time without me
This doesn’t bother me
I’ve always been shy
So this feeling doesn’t surprise me
It isn’t new
I just don’t get jealous
I can’t remember the last time I was
I put others before me
I always have
And this doesn’t bother me
I prefer it this way
Perhaps I’ve accepted the world
And it’s people
Perhaps that’s why jealousy eludes me
But I think this is a good thing
Jealousy gets you nowhere
It accomplishes nothing
So I’ll let my friends hang
With the people I don’t know
I’ll let them have their time with them
And this is okay
I’m the girl that doesn’t get jealous
And I’m happy about that
Save A LifeI used to be depressed
But now that I’m not
I actually see the good in it
It’s shaped me
Turned me into the person I am today
It’s filled me with a sympathy
That no one else understands
I see how important
A simple smile
A few kind and encouraging words
It can save a life
Maybe It's All MeMaybe it’s all me
That would make more sense
You always care
Do nothing wrong
And this is what you get
I ignore you
I hurt you
You can admit it
For I know it’s true
I can see it in your eyes
You’re wondering what happened
What happened to the good old days?
I don’t mean to do this
I don’t know where my life is
Sorting things out
Things I don’t even understand
I’m trying to be better
To treat you how you deserve
But my head gets too caught up
You’re only trying to show me you care
I can see that
This is more difficult than I thought
My emotions change rapidly
I can’t grasp what’s going on
And you’re getting caught in the crossfire
Me being the problem
Does make sense
You’re a better person than me
In my own way
I still love you
And I’m trying to get better
But I don’t know what’s wrong
And it’s getting me down
I don’t know how to express
And everything I do
No matter wha
This Has to StopThis has to stop
I said "No"
Yet you persist
You always persist
I can't take this anymore
It's time to be strong
Time for me to step up
This needs to be said
Or this isn't going to work
I don't like it when this happens
All I want's your respect
This isn't respect
This is using me
This can't go on
I just can't take it
It's hurting me
Why can't you accept?
This isn't right!
It's not supposed to feel this way
I'm not supposed to be scared!
And yet you keep doing this
How many times must I say "No"?
I'm just not that into it
Never really been into it
This is making me dread seeing you
And I hate myself for that
You said you'd always be there for me
You say you want to make me happy
But you're not
I'm not happy!
I need you to understand!
This HAS to STOP!
This is my only complaint
And it's tearing me apart!
It's not supposed to hurt
Why do you always do this to me?
Can't you see that it's hurting me!
Just see my pain!
Not the weak smiles and the fake laughs
I need to be strong
This needs t
Inner Workings of my MindHere's the inner workings
Of my mind
So dark and foul
Times like this
I become afraid
Of the darkness
In my heart
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I understand?
Dark twisted fantasy
It was my way
To escape the day
The romance of sadness
Not a divine fantasy
I should get out
But there's nowhere to go
There's no cure
To the romance of sadness
This dark twisted fantasy
There's no cure
It's over dramatic
But that's what happens
With too much time
I'm afraid of the darkness
In my heart
Here's the inner workings
Of my mind
There's nowhere to go
Aches For A NightEvery time he leaves
Every time we have to part
I get so depressed
It's only for a night
We'll be together again tomorrow
But I can't help it
I swear it's unhealthy
To need him as much as I do
Am I that weak?
That I need his hand to constantly hold?
I miss him severely
But he's only just out the door
I pine for him every night
I just want to snuggle up to his warm body
Is that so wrong?
My heart aches for him
It hurts so bad
All my joy leaves with him
But I can't tell him
I'm afraid I'll push him away
And I can't live without him
I know this in my heart
MemoriesMemories are never truly forgotten
They may fade
Or sometimes blur together
But they’re always there
In the recesses of your mind
Sometimes they sneak up on you
Something you thought was tucked away
Making you face your past
Like that time you made a mistake
And that friend you overlooked
Making you question your judgment
“Am I a good person?”
Memories may dwindle
But they’re just hiding
Waiting for a moment of weakness
Making you remember
You Don't Need PermissionYou don’t need permission
Live the way you want
They can’t question your actions
You don’t need permission
To say what’s on your mind
This isn’t their world
You’re apart of it too
You don’t need their words
You can fight it
Be who you were destined to be
You don’t need permission
You’re not a child
Create your own you
Do what you want
It’s your life
So why would you need permission?
PressureI can feel the familiar pressure
Building in my head once more
Cannot control it
Cannot stop it
I just want to unload
I cannot focus on things
With this pressure there
Distractions are quite normal
I need small goals to keep me going
To help me overcome
At least for a little while
Before that pressure builds
Pushing rational thought aside
I feel disorientated
I cannot locate my thoughts
I stare off into the distance
Not thinking of anything, really
This isn’t like me
But I cannot stop it
The pressure keeps building
And I don’t know how to stop it
Life is a Study of ContrastIf not for the darkness,
We wouldn’t know the difference
Between a star and a ball of dust.
Life is a study of contrast.
We get dark,
Not to fall apart
But to shine.
BrokenI'm not broken,
Just a little bent.
All those words you've spoken,
Just left me a little dent.
My heart isn't shattered,
It just has a crack.
Sore, bruised, and battered,
But my tears I hold back.
Please don't worry about me.
I'm fine, I swear.
I just want you to see,
That I'm still able to be repaired.
Even though I'm hurt, damaged, and weakened,
Even though I've felt so much pain.
It doesn't mean I'm truly beaten,
It just means that I'll need a little help again.
Bad HabitI think I was your drink of fine wine,
only used when needed from time to time
I'd get you tipsy, as stars collide
Your drunk, slurred words
blending in with mine
(I couldn't even comprehend
when you said it wouldn't happen again)
I think I was your cigarette break
when anxiety filled,
from me, you'd take
One puff here, and one puff there
(I could barely hear
when you said, "I'm sorry, dear")
I think I was your line of cocaine,
thinking I'd be there to ease your pain
I'd bring you higher,
head suspended in clouds
(So I knew it was fake,
when you said, "It was my mistake")
I think I was your bad habit,
and ignorantly, you were mine
You continue to relapse, my dear
But rest assured:
I won't this time.
How to Hug from Far AwayType and write, your arms wide open,
smile through emotions, the warming moment.
Far away, but so very close.
For the friends and family, you love the most.
Create a letter, then press enter,
send your love you’re no pretender.
Across the sea, one day you’ll meet.
For friends and family, you’ll one day greet.
Retrieve a message, return the hug,
feel so better, a different love.
From different lands, gentle hands.
For friends and family, who make you glad.
It’s easy to hug from far away,
But harder to feel, the warmth we need.
WallsTell them all your secrets.
They'll never tell a soul.
They'll keep you standing up
When your body's had its toll.
Beat them in your anger.
They'll never scream or cry.
They'll let you vent your feelings
And never pester why.
Hide within their safety.
They'll keep you tucked away.
They'll let in just enough light
For you to know it's day.
Unrequited LoveAn act of admirable courage
from the sincerest of hearts
a love that I cannot encourage
the feeling in me then departs.
Do not be in solitary confusion
I have a burning determination
do not reach the wrong conclusion
but I must reject this fixation.
It is not you, nor is it me
please do not lose all hope
but I believe this was not meant to be
I know that you will be able to cope.
A heart with fervent ambition
may not be able to settle as easily
a pretend love cannot come to fruition
truly, I do care for you deeply.
Forgive me, how selfish am I
for turning away such a great love
please don't let your spirits die
No words of appeasement to think of.
I apologize endlessly for your unrequited love.
Is it too much to ask?I don't understand what's wrong with me today.
It feels like all my of friends have drifted too far away.
I've tried to be strong and fix all I've wronged
But nothing goes according to plan.
And I just want to back up, stop and start over again.
And these days are the loneliest of my life.
It feels like something is wrong but everything seems alright.
Are they trying to avoid me because of being me?
The past is the past but I hope I'm not history...
All I want is someone to talk and stay...with me.
Is it too much to ask for a little time and company?
Maiden of the Olive Oil TreeMaiden of the olive oil tree -
caryatid body, color of cream,
how do you fare against the crumbling temple?
How do you fare against the pressure
weighting upon your chest?
For you have long kept this temple,
broken, like a mother.
You have long adorned it
with your cultivated crest.
But when the framework falters -
the foundation all decaying -
will you climb the olive branches,
free, no more inept?
And bathe in oil satin,
to smooth the ancient scarring,
as time releases tension
from your ankles to your breasts.
This Heavy Love of MineI'm heavy on your shoulders
I'm a weight in your arms
I'm a concrete foundation
I'm an iron charm
I've been battered and bruised
And haunted by my past
The memories, they're taunting me
Oh trust me, they're vast
I can't begin to tell you
But trust me, I've tried
I had the words ready
But yet again, I lied
I promised you honesty
To never lie to you
But really, what's wrong?
I haven't got a clue
I'm a mass of confusion
I'm a muddled mess
But believe me when I say
That I can't love you any less
These emotions are suffocating
All bottled up inside
And let me tell you now
You're in for a bumpy ride
This roller-coaster inside
Is starting to rust and break
It's leaving a hole in me
And oh, how it aches
And when I say I love you
Yes, trust me, I do mean it
But it's never been a blessing
Dooming all those who hear it
A Week Of KissesA Week Of Kisses
The first day I told you I loved you,
I imagined kissing your shoulder,
Well before I thought about your lips.
Because I don’t know what I am doing, firstly,
But more importantly,
It’s because I know things can spiral quickly,
If things start shifting
After we lay down the concrete.
So I kiss the foundation,
Before we reach the soil.
The second day I told you I loved you,
I imagined kissing your elbow,
Because it holds together the touch
And the flex.
To exhibit it,
I must kiss the joint that bends
And combines us together.
The third day I told you I loved you,
I lay my lips to your temples,
As I learned about the temple of reform,
For the Youth in North America.
Kissing you there signifying I will protect you,
As well as your temple,
As we re-form, into something more.
The fourth day I told you I loved you,
I’d kiss you softly on your forehead.
Because that’s what holds your brillian
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More